6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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