i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
