Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
