Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
