my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
