Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
