idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
