just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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