A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
