Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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