Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
