Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize