he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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