i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
