I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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