i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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