She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the day after is always just damage control
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
