she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
