i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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