so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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