2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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