so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
