Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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