i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
