i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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