it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
