she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
