I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
