The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
