TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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