My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize