i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
