I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
