my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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