Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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