Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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