STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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