i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
