so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
