I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
