Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
