the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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