I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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