ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
