The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
