Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
