I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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