I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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