all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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