Me too!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
