I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
