If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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