Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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