Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
