at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
