if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You don't make any sense
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