just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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