I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
this is an emotional support booty call
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