the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In America we eat man semen.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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