I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
