I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
