I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
