Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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