we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
