u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
