Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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