it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
