She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
