u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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