I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
