I feel like abortions should bother me more
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
