Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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