Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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