hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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