end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
