I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sext me about skeletons
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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