I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize