i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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