Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
