I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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