I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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