shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
