I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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