I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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