i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
