My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
