I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
