Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
