Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we made out on top of his cat.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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