All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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