people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
