mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
