I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You took a bar mat shot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
