so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
someone owes me an orgasm
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
