I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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