well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
