also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
