ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize