covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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