Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
